Have you ever dreamed of soaring through the air without a care in the world? Have you ever wished you could destroy everything in your path without consequences? Have you ever wanted to be a goat? Well my friend, it’s time for your oddly specific dreams to come true.
Why it’s awesome
Here it is finally, the game that I had no idea I wanted until I saw it. I was living my life ignorant of the vacuum that was in my video game collection until Coffee Stain Studios announced their charmingly ridiculous addition, Goat Simulator. This game does not make any false promises or maintain any illusions. The developers know it’s ridiculous, broken, and small. That’s the point. In fact, the website for goat simulator includes a disclaimer at the bottom explaining, “Goat Simulator is a small, broken and stupid game. It was made in the span of a couple of weeks so don’t expect a game in the size and scope of GTA with goats. In fact, you’re better off not expecting anything at all actually. To be completely honest, it would be best if you’d spend your $10 on a hula hoop, a pile of bricks, or maybe a real life goat.”
From the moment you start this game you’re greeted with a fun musical number that sets the tone for the ridiculousness that you’re about to experience. A loading screen introduces you to the control scheme and then you are placed in the hoofs of the titular Goat with a face only a mother Goat could love.
Now comes the time to indulge your secret chaotic-evil-invincible-flying-killer-goat fantasies that you didn’t know you had. You are given miscellaneous quests that you can perform in order to unlock other playable goat mutations. You are free from the beginning however, to run around headbutting everything (especially explosives) getting hit by cars and killing large groups of innocent bystanders.
All that and the option to make obnoxious goat noises, and the ever hilarious ability to spontaneously go ragdoll with the press of a button. What is not to love about this hot mess of goat chaos? Sure, the thing is full of bugs and problems, but for the most part these just add to the charm of the thing. That, and the amazing unlockable goats make for an amazingly fun and stress reducing gaming experience. Oh, and did I mention it’s only $9.99?
The Nit-picky complaints
While for the most part the bugs only added to the spirit of this purposely insane game, there were some that detracted from the game experience. For instance, sometimes, when you run into a window, the glass would make a shattering noise, but then wouldn’t break and your goat would be trapped inside. Of course, you can just turn around and vent your anger by picking up a couch with your tongue and smashing the rest of the furniture to bits.
Yeah but… should I buy it?
Yes, you really should. I spent my ten bucks happily, and not for one moment did I regret it. Come home from your stressful day at work and enjoy the limitless freedom that only comes with being an invincible goat. Save money on therapy, buy goat simulator.